Touch

I feel... spiritual today. I'm not sure why, but I suddenly have this sudden burst of liquid energy to just jump out of my seat and touch somebody (though, of course, I won't do it; I'll probably send that unlucky somebody screaming out the window). Not the intimate, intense, passionate type touch, mind you -- simply, the type of touch where I place my hand against another and share smiles.

Oh, yes. I am feeling happy today.

And as I -- a person who rarely feels anything other that nothing -- am filled with this unnatural flare of mirth, I find it only thoughtful to SHARE my happiness with perhaps anyone else.

Crazy? Yes, I know.

But won't it be rewarding to have somebody else share your unexpected glee? How wonderful! And, yeah, I am aware of how super un-Hannah-ish I am acting right now. Not to worry; if for one reason or another you miss the "TRUE" me, then I can assure you, this happiness will not last.

Anyways, come on, then!

...Touch.

Sleep-ridden

I am soooo sleepy. But I can't sleep. Haha. Exams are next week and, like, guess what! I HAVE NOT studied yet! Yay, me!

Feel for Me.

Right now, as I sit in front of the computer screen, the air conditioning is turned off, I have wrapped myself up in a comforter, and I am literally shivering. As in, teeth-chattering shivering.

I am shivering so badly, in fact, that I am hardly able to breathe.

So help me. Breathe for me. Cry for me -- because we lost. First round, we're out. My last chance, and I blew it. I should be feeling awful, should be depressed right now; but, seriously? I can't bring myself up to that. In fact, I can hardly FEEL.

So if you care even the slightest bit...

...feel for me.

Injecting Music into Your Soul

A picture speaks a thousand words:
what does this say to you?

melting and moaning.

Oh my God. Public Speaking -- TOMORROW. Debate? MONDAY.

I... am... so screwed.

I feel like knocking my own lights out with a fricken' piano bench; atleast, AFTER David Cook has finished his rendition of Mariah Carey's "You'll Always be My Baby." I mean, seriously -- most romantic song EVER. The way he sings it -- so smooth, so sultry -- what girl wouldn't melt, honestly? If anyone ever played me that song (coughcertainsomeonecough), I'd just die with happiness...

You know, IF I make it pass tomorrow.

Tagged Myself Through Haida

Tagged myself through Haida:

1. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
Vanilla.

2. Cable or Satellite?
Satellite Cable.

3. Favorite video game?
Kingdom Hearts. Final Fantasy. X-Men.

4. Do you have to sleep with a fan on at night?
Air-cond, preferably. But, yes. Can't stand the weather.

5. Your feelings on global warming?
It sucks. We should do something about it before its too late.

6. Do you still have a VCR somewhere?
Yes. It doesn't work, though.

7. Been on a sailboat?
Sailboats are for worms.

8. Two of your best friends are fighting. Your reaction?
As usual, I'll take the awkward role as middle person.

9. Home Depot or Lowes?
Sorry, I'm from Kansas. :D

10. Beer or Hard Liquor?
I don't drink, thanks.

11. Best movie you’ve seen recently?
The Pursuit to Happiness.

12. Would you walk across broken glass for $100?
If I was desperate, yes.

13. Your feelings on dolphins?
The most intelligent creatures on the planet. So loving and forgiving. Haters should just drop dead.

14. Would you ever rob a bank?
Desperate times, desperate measures. Probably.

15. Do you plan out your day before it begins?
My day is always the same. Who needs planning?

16. What kind of digital camera do you have?
I have no idea.

17. Can you fall asleep with your eyes open?
I wouldn't know, would I? I'd be asleep, after all.

18. Winter or Summer?
At the moment, winter -- since summer in Malaysia is, like, everyday.

19. Your ex’s car breaks down and they ask you for a lift. Your response?
Depends on how we broke up -- ahh, I'd give him the lift, anyways.

20. Your feelings on Britney?
Her change was upsetting, but inevitable, I suppose. I hope she emerges a stronger individual through her recent... problems.

21. Do you go to the gym regularly?
Why d'you think I'm fat? Seriously.

22. Ever play with model trains?
I never understood model trains.

23. You’ve just bought a new house. What color will you paint the walls in the living room?
A tan-ish color, I think. Or something warm.

24. Best subject in school?
English...?

25. What are your goals for this year?
Make debate nationals -- though I hardly find that possible.

26. Do you spread false rumors about people just for the hell of it?
Hell no.

27. Do you consider yourself religious?
Hardly. Though I'd never commit myself to suicide, or underage sex, or anything else major.

28. Internet Explorer or Firefox?
Depends, really. Firefox, at the moment, since it doesn't hang as much.

29. Ever play online poker?
No.

30. For real money?
I don't play.

31. Describe the first house you lived in.
Messy.

32. Do you want to kick someone in the face right now?
Paula Abdul or Hailey Scarnato -- I hate them bitches.

33. Favorite sport to watch?
I don't watch sport.

34. You see someone running around naked in the street. Your reaction?
Walk away. Fast.

35. How much syrup do you put on your waffles and/or pancakes for breakfast?
A lot.

36. Favorite junk food?
I love Rollercoaster.

37. Bottled water. Yes or no?
Why not.

38. Do you have a lot of candles in your room?
No.

39. Are the files in your computer well organized or all over the place?
Well organized.

40. Are there dogs barking in your neighborhood right now?
No.

41. Where would you most like to be right now?
In the Carribeans. Somewhere under the stars.

42. Do you own a sleeping bag?
Yes.

43. UFC. Entertaining or stupid
What?

44. Favorite reality show?
American Idol. And, admittedly, America's Next Top Model.

45. What was the first CD you ever bought?
Ashlee Simpson's Autobiography (those were the confusing days).

46. Are all infomercials completely pointless?
Not exactly -- but I hardly thinks anyone cares.

47. Who are you voting for in 2008?
I don't vote, darling.

48. If money was no object, what car would you drive?
Something classy, like a Porche.

49. Last 5 played songs in your Itunes playlist?
I no longer own an Itunes.

50. Was this survey random enough for you?
Not exactly. This was pretty normal.

stress and burn.

Ugh. Stress is literally eating me up from the inside. Like, I seriously feel like vomiting after every meal. Even the thought of lunch/dinner makes me want to throw up -- which is really strange considering I usually love food.

I'm getting thinner, too, I notice -- but I hardly think its in a good way. I mean, often times I feel myself shaking, and my muscles will go into this spasmatic state, where I'll get all weak and tired and stuff.

At first I figured it was my sleeping habits and/or diet -- but that can't possibly be it. I catch up on a ton of sleep every afternoon. Plus, although the idea of eating literally makes me sick, I hardly think I'm skipping meals THAT much.

...Ugh. Its this stress. Its killing me.

I mean, apart from debate, I've got the public speaking thing to look forward to, AND mid-terms. Yck. I am SO not prepared for this... Dad is going to kill me when he hears I've been slacking on my study schedule. PLUS, debate classes during school hours is making me feel all horrible and guilty... I'm getting all these emotional breakdowns -- which kind of freak me out. Not to mention, it gets kind of annoying after a while.

But seriously, folks. It isn't my fault. Don't go blaming me if, all of a sudden, my mood swings from overly chipper to obnoxiously depressed.

I'm going through a major meltdown right now, and it won't surprise me one BIT if I end up passing out on stage next Tuesday.

...lets just pray I don't, though.

Hott

Yesterday my cousin, Roslyn, came over and we spent about the entire day talking about positively everything! -- school, boys, parents, careers, and life in general. Loads of "very informative" chat was exchanged, all right.

For lunch we actually made ourself spaghetti, since APPARENTLY neither McD, nor Pizza Hut, NOR domino's did delivery to Kota Kemuning -- they in fact had NO idea WHERE K.K. even WAS. GOD!

ANYWAYS, a very... interesting (hott) guy was introduced to me yesterday (via Roslyn and INTERNET). He makes the WHACKIEST (hott) videos ever. I mean, like, SERIOUSLY. His humor is AWESOME. PLUS!!! Did I mention he was HOTT (double the T)?

He's also -- get this -- 17 years old!

SQUEAL!

Goodbye, Blake, and HELLO Ryan -- or should I say, "SAYONARA, Blake"?, since Ryan is -- oh my God, listen up -- JAPANESE!!

GASP!

Alright, gotta go. At the moment, I am listening to David Cook's super sultry, super awesome edition of Mariah Carie's "Always Be My Baby". Thanks a bunch to Su Kim for introducing me to this song -- its damn hott.

Names are interesting! :)

While scrolling through the internet today -- bored, of course -- I came across a few names that I found very interesting. Why? Its not because I'm planning on naming anyone anytime soon, but the names are, indeed, immensely appealing.

Perhaps, if Blake Lewis and I had a child, we won't name ALL of them after him and myself after all. I'll probably give way to names like Jared (meaning Down to Earth), Hayden (the Rosy Meadow), and Lucas.

Of course, Zachary (remembrance of the Lord), will most definitely be there (like, DUH!). He'll be first child, probably, since I really, really like the name.

BTW, I checked the 100 most popular names of 2007, and MINE (Hannah) came out 3rd!! -- for female! Zachary is, like, the 19th (male), and Blake is 78. AWESOME! We're like the commonly-named family of three or whatever! YAY!

Meaning of:

Blake -- Dark, Bright

Hannah -- Grace, Favour

AWESOME!

My Future Husband!

If you were as blown away by those three pics above (as I obviously was), then BE PREPARED for the awesome-est, hottest, smexiest picture EVER TAKEN. EVER.

Introducing...

MY future husband...

The one and only...

BLAKE LEWIS!!!

(SQUEALS!!!!!) (Dies in glee)

Change.

I feel kinda sad today. Not merely because, well, my parents have gone for Umrah and I'm gonna have to live with the awkwardness in my house for the next few weeks -- but because... well, i just realized how incredibly depressing time can be.

The clock ticks and ticks and ticks away... most of the people i know are bearing through it. Living with it. GROWING and CHANGING as it passes -- and me? I feel at a loss. A standstill. I feel so... so utterly stuck to the earth; almost as if a part of the world had swallowed me up to my knees, and I am literally glued to the ground.

I hate change. I hate moving. I hate everyone FOR changing and moving... for leaving me here to... I don't know... watch them move... watch them change.

While everyone else goes forward, here I am -- forevermore -- and I despise it.

I feel like crying; though I won't. I feel like screaming; though I can't.

No matter WHAT i do, the reality of Life is that continents shift. Air carries. Waves part. Wind blows. People... change.

Except me.

I can't change -- in fact, I don't even think I want to. If only, however, the world could/WOULD not change along with me.

Now that sounded selfish, I know. Very, very selfish.

For, I, being stuck as it is, am horrible enough to wish for others to share my fate.

Still moaning over my faults. Picking at the hate this world has to offer -- feeding it.

I had once thought I had changed. I was DIFFERENT, I thought to myself. The whole emotional thing was far behind me, I believed.

Yet, here I am.

Still moaning. Still whining. Still cynical. Still over-dramatizing. Still... unhappy.

...

...

...

...

I will never change.

12.41pm -- musings.

My parents just left... for, you know, umrah -- and I'm here in Malaysia with my grandmother and two sisters... Hmm.

Also, I have been, apparently, called cheap. Hmm.

More Gasping!

Gasp (its starting to become some sort of catch-phrase or something)! Today, for the very first time EVER in my life, I, Noor Hannah bt Mohd Nasir (full names add drama!), have faced my fears of entering... A PUBLIC TRANSPORT!

...Well, okay, not REALLY public -- but it IS a transport, and the transport is used to pick up... well, paying public passengers.

Honest to God, it was nerve-wrecking (readers are like: "My f*ck, she over dramatizes a whole bunch, doesn't she?). I woke up at 5.45am this morning (its a part of "THE TEST" my parents set for me), took the quickest shower I had EVER, for the life of myself, taken on a weekday morning (15 minutes!! Shannaro!), yanked my sister out of bed, ran around screaming, "OhMGee, bad hairday!" (joking, apparently) whilst forcing a comb through my bed-frazzled hair, took my breakfast, and... WAITED...

...for my transport...

I, Noor Hannah bt Mohd Nasir, had actually WAITED for the PICKUP, instead of it being the usual other-way-round.

My, God. I KNEW the world was sick and twisted, but HONESTLY. How bad IS it really for such a situation like THIS to happen?!

...People, I, Noor Hannah bt Mohd Nasir (readers are all: "Shut UP with the full name, already!"), am now officially freaked.

Oh, yeah, and, GASP! I skipped some bengkel-thingy today for debate practice (if you can consider it so...), so GASP!

And GASP some more for the heck of it!

GASP
GASP
GASP!

My Addiction to Blogthings!

Gosh, I've been bored all day. Actually taking the time doing pointless quizzes on Blogthings being proof.

Don't really have anything meaningful to blab on about today, believe it or not. Simply posted for the sake of... well, filling up this empty blog of mine. So... yeah. My playlist is currently running through The Devil Wear's Prada soundtrack, "Suddenly I See". Er. Yeah. Whatever.

Things I Have Learned About Myself Today:
a) I am 37% bitchy
b) I am pretty happy being single
c) I am 24% weirdo
d) My fashion profile is condemned, "geeky"
e) My life is rated PG (for mild swearing)
f) I was a panda in my past life
g) Of all the Bradys, I am most similar to Marcia Brady
h) I am a little messy
i) My personality cluster is introvert feeling
j) I am 65% grownup, 35% kid
k) I am 16% fake
l) I've got the inner glow of a blond, intensity of a redhead and wisdom of a brunette
m) I should paint my room blue
n) My superpower should be super speed
o) I am 40% normal
p) I am a candy heart
q) My sloth quotient is 89%
r) My power element is fire
s) My luck quotient is 46%
t) I have low self esteem 60% of the time
u) On average, I would sell out for about $305,526
v) I am kind of stupid
w) My linguistic profile is: 70% General American English, 20% Yankee, 5% Dixie
x) I apparently go for brains over body
y) I am a grilled cheese sandwich whose best-friend is a PB&J and enemy is the Ham Sandwich
z) I am 62% real.

Gasp!

If there is anything I consider myself proud of, its lying. I think I'm pretty darn good at it (on a count of I lie quite a bit). Because of this... erm... gift of mine, I kind of have the ability of telling when other people are lying to me (darn right!). Its one of those... intuition things, I believe.

The eyes, for one, won't keep direct contact -- or, if usually directed elsewhere during conversation, the liar would tend TO make direct contact. Stuttering, too, no doubt, proves my theory of liar. No matter how faint, the mere pause before answering is considered -- or, if answering to quickly, that, too, would be taken under account.

Now, okay, I'm not bragging. For all I know, the person I am referring to (you guess) hadn't been lying at all -- that I'm just going all paranoid and this entire post is an absolute waste of space.

But... seriously.

I am pretty darn sure.

So, note to whoever you are: I know where you live. And I know your secret.

So, gasp. Be afraid.

What it is all about

To those of you reading (people I know, preferably), this, as you may very well know, is NOT my first time blogging. I have been, in fact, a very passionate blogger since the tender age of twelve. At the time, though, life seemed dreary and most of my posts had turned out... well... positively emo. Today, I am a bright (cough), happy (cough), friendly (double cough) seventeen year old girl who finds emo people annoying and time-consuming. Though friends I have not, I no longer condemn myself to misery and find myself hiding behind false smiles. Instead, I am all smiles, and jokes may actually make me laugh. I like people who are cheery, and I surround myself with stuff like debate or food because it makes me happy (or stressed out, depending on the situation).

At the moment, I am struggling with the biggest challenge in my life: THE exam that determines whether the past ten/eleven years of my life were either: a) well spent, or b) an utter waste of time and money.

Hopefully, with luck, it was choice (a).

Now, although the biggest exam of my life is looming over me like some sort of humongous cloud threatening to explode in a downpour of lightning and water at any moment, I find myself feeling... awfully relaxed (proof being: I did not bother to touch any books for the past three months).

Terrible, though, isn't it?

I know, I know. I really ought to be studying; but I just CAN'T, for the life of me, find it in myself to -- excuse my crude language -- get my lazy butt off the bed and out of the door. For God's sake, it comes as NO surprise to me, whatsoever, if I ended up LAST in the entire CLASS (yes, I AM that bad).

Now, you may be thinking to yourself: "Has this girl no ambition? Does she WANT to find herself droning around the streets all day? A bum by the road, aimlessly pickin' pennies off the pavement?"

My answer to that: Heck, no.

I DO indeed have ambition -- though WHAT that ambition happens to be, I have NO idea. All I know is, I ain't ending up as a housewife, and I am SO gonna make a million bucks. Fame, too, perhaps, would be nice.

But, eh. Whatever. I'll get to studying when I'm well and ready, I suppose, but for the time being, THIS is how my life is scheduled: around sleep, food, shopping, packing, debate and public speaking.

Because, seriously: as long as you find I continue to blog, that is what The Life and Times of N.Hannah is all about.

:)