Change.

I feel kinda sad today. Not merely because, well, my parents have gone for Umrah and I'm gonna have to live with the awkwardness in my house for the next few weeks -- but because... well, i just realized how incredibly depressing time can be.

The clock ticks and ticks and ticks away... most of the people i know are bearing through it. Living with it. GROWING and CHANGING as it passes -- and me? I feel at a loss. A standstill. I feel so... so utterly stuck to the earth; almost as if a part of the world had swallowed me up to my knees, and I am literally glued to the ground.

I hate change. I hate moving. I hate everyone FOR changing and moving... for leaving me here to... I don't know... watch them move... watch them change.

While everyone else goes forward, here I am -- forevermore -- and I despise it.

I feel like crying; though I won't. I feel like screaming; though I can't.

No matter WHAT i do, the reality of Life is that continents shift. Air carries. Waves part. Wind blows. People... change.

Except me.

I can't change -- in fact, I don't even think I want to. If only, however, the world could/WOULD not change along with me.

Now that sounded selfish, I know. Very, very selfish.

For, I, being stuck as it is, am horrible enough to wish for others to share my fate.

Still moaning over my faults. Picking at the hate this world has to offer -- feeding it.

I had once thought I had changed. I was DIFFERENT, I thought to myself. The whole emotional thing was far behind me, I believed.

Yet, here I am.

Still moaning. Still whining. Still cynical. Still over-dramatizing. Still... unhappy.

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I will never change.