I want you to think.
...
The next time you get into a car accident, I want you to think.
Who's life did you take? Which family member did you steal? How many lives are you affecting? How much sadness have you caused?
I am no saint.
I am a sinner (for who isn't) , and God, do I hate myself.
My greatest evil is rage. My rage is so terrible, that it corrodes my intestines. My rage is so hideous, that it eats at my soul. My rage is so consuming, that I tend to forget myself whenever it hits me. My rage in so tempting...
...that it scares me.
...
Help me
Help me for I have sinned.
Help me before I sin again.
Help me before he returns to hurt somebody else.
Help me
...for when he comes, I will not think.
Showing posts with label Emotion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotion. Show all posts
Capturing a Silent Moment
I want you to shut up.
I want everybody to just shut up.
I want the whole, friggen world to just shut the fuck up.
I am not angry, don't get me wrong -- but I am simply so sick of listening, listening, listening. I wish, just sometimes, that a moment in life could be captured, forever in a stand-still -- like one of those worn, gray photographs.
I wish I could pause between scenes. Rewind, forward. MUTE.
I want to catch your laughter. I want to keep your smile. I want to stare into your warm, inviting eyes forever -- the fact that you had been unhappy once; sad once; dead now, something I can simply put aside. For in my picture; this picture I would trace with longing fingers; this picture I would keep between the pages of my favourite fairy-tale book -- you would forever be here. With me. Breathing.
I know how crazy I must sound. I know its impossible. I know, no matter how many times I dream about it, life can never be brought into stand still.
But, honestly?
I don't care.
This is my dream. I will keep it, hold it, depend on it. For dreams are hope. Loose strings that seem hopeless to grab onto; but mean the only thing in the world.
So, once again:
I want you to shut up.
I want everybody to just shut up.
I want the whole, friggen world to just shut the fuck up.
Because the picture, alone, speaks a thousand words.
I want everybody to just shut up.
I want the whole, friggen world to just shut the fuck up.
I am not angry, don't get me wrong -- but I am simply so sick of listening, listening, listening. I wish, just sometimes, that a moment in life could be captured, forever in a stand-still -- like one of those worn, gray photographs.
I wish I could pause between scenes. Rewind, forward. MUTE.
I want to catch your laughter. I want to keep your smile. I want to stare into your warm, inviting eyes forever -- the fact that you had been unhappy once; sad once; dead now, something I can simply put aside. For in my picture; this picture I would trace with longing fingers; this picture I would keep between the pages of my favourite fairy-tale book -- you would forever be here. With me. Breathing.
I know how crazy I must sound. I know its impossible. I know, no matter how many times I dream about it, life can never be brought into stand still.
But, honestly?
I don't care.
This is my dream. I will keep it, hold it, depend on it. For dreams are hope. Loose strings that seem hopeless to grab onto; but mean the only thing in the world.
So, once again:
I want you to shut up.
I want everybody to just shut up.
I want the whole, friggen world to just shut the fuck up.
Because the picture, alone, speaks a thousand words.
Lifehouse- First Time
I've never been in love -- well, not really, anyways. I once had this really, REALLY intense crush, which I actually THOUGHT was love; but, honestly, I've never been in love. I heard this song a few days ago, and it actually piqued my interest. Love sounds like beautiful emotion. I mean, yeah, sure, I have love for my family members and... you know... friendly love or whatever; but romantically? Never.
It sounds fascinating, though -- and you know how I am always drawn towards the fascinating.
Anyways, the song I was talking about was this kinda old song by Lifehouse, called "First Time". I'm sure you've heard of it. Not exactly THE MOST amazing, romantic song in the world -- but it sure as hell portrayed "love" as something really... wonderful.
Here are the lyrics, anyways.
Lifehouse- First Time
We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide
Looking at you,holding my breath,
For once in my life,I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,letting you inside.
Feeling alive all over again,
As deep as the sky, under my skin
Like being in love, she says
For the first time
Maybe I'm wrong,
But I'm feeling right where I belong
With you tonight
Like being in love
To feel for the first time
The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes
Looking at you,
Holding my breath,
For once in my life
I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,
Letting you inside.
I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky that's under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time
We're crashing
Into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home
I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky that's under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time
It sounds fascinating, though -- and you know how I am always drawn towards the fascinating.
Anyways, the song I was talking about was this kinda old song by Lifehouse, called "First Time". I'm sure you've heard of it. Not exactly THE MOST amazing, romantic song in the world -- but it sure as hell portrayed "love" as something really... wonderful.
Here are the lyrics, anyways.
Lifehouse- First Time
We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide
Looking at you,holding my breath,
For once in my life,I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,letting you inside.
Feeling alive all over again,
As deep as the sky, under my skin
Like being in love, she says
For the first time
Maybe I'm wrong,
But I'm feeling right where I belong
With you tonight
Like being in love
To feel for the first time
The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes
Looking at you,
Holding my breath,
For once in my life
I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,
Letting you inside.
I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky that's under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time
We're crashing
Into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home
I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky that's under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time
Sleepy
The stage is set. The audience is waiting. The script is prepared. The plot is flawless. The main actress... wants nothing to do with it.
Hi, my name is Hannah.
Not Courtney, not Jack, not emo, bimbo, wacko-freak, foo', petunia, llama -- just Hannah.
Most people look at me and see this... person... who would never stand up for herself. See this shy, timid individual. People who "get to know" me think I'm this insane, wacky girl who just never seems to grow up. People who "understand" me -- a very, very limited number -- find that I am this complex being who's mood is forever shifting towards the extremes.
But who am I really? Who, really, knows the real me?
Tonight I am sick of acting. Sick of being this somebody I'm not. Sick of wrapping myself up, so intensely, in these... these alter-egos. Sometimes, I don't even know myself anymore.
Its confusing. Depressing. Exhausting -- these switch persona's of mine. I'm becoming so much of somebody I am not, that I am forgetting who I really am:
Hannah.
But again, who, or what, makes me, Hannah Nasir, Hannah Nasir?
Moments like these, for one. Sitting reminiscing over life. Absorbed in thought. Overcome with content. Brief satisfaction. A mere pit-stop in which I allow myself moment to catch my breath before plunging, head-first, into the icy waters of my other halves.
Tonight, however, I am taking a break. I'm sick and tired of pretending -- always, always pretending. Sick and tired of listening -- always, always listening. Sick and tired of nodding my head in understanding, offering words of advice, smiling, acting all perky, secluding myself in a corner whenever I am pissed.
Truth is, I am not happy. Not miserable or angry or as clueless as I make myself look, either.
In truth, I am this... entity... who is so tainted by the outside world. The real me wants freedom. Longs solitude. Yearns content, satisfaction, relief.
The real me...
...just really, really wants to go to sleep.
Hi, my name is Hannah.
Not Courtney, not Jack, not emo, bimbo, wacko-freak, foo', petunia, llama -- just Hannah.
Most people look at me and see this... person... who would never stand up for herself. See this shy, timid individual. People who "get to know" me think I'm this insane, wacky girl who just never seems to grow up. People who "understand" me -- a very, very limited number -- find that I am this complex being who's mood is forever shifting towards the extremes.
But who am I really? Who, really, knows the real me?
Tonight I am sick of acting. Sick of being this somebody I'm not. Sick of wrapping myself up, so intensely, in these... these alter-egos. Sometimes, I don't even know myself anymore.
Its confusing. Depressing. Exhausting -- these switch persona's of mine. I'm becoming so much of somebody I am not, that I am forgetting who I really am:
Hannah.
But again, who, or what, makes me, Hannah Nasir, Hannah Nasir?
Moments like these, for one. Sitting reminiscing over life. Absorbed in thought. Overcome with content. Brief satisfaction. A mere pit-stop in which I allow myself moment to catch my breath before plunging, head-first, into the icy waters of my other halves.
Tonight, however, I am taking a break. I'm sick and tired of pretending -- always, always pretending. Sick and tired of listening -- always, always listening. Sick and tired of nodding my head in understanding, offering words of advice, smiling, acting all perky, secluding myself in a corner whenever I am pissed.
Truth is, I am not happy. Not miserable or angry or as clueless as I make myself look, either.
In truth, I am this... entity... who is so tainted by the outside world. The real me wants freedom. Longs solitude. Yearns content, satisfaction, relief.
The real me...
...just really, really wants to go to sleep.
Feel for Me.
Right now, as I sit in front of the computer screen, the air conditioning is turned off, I have wrapped myself up in a comforter, and I am literally shivering. As in, teeth-chattering shivering.
I am shivering so badly, in fact, that I am hardly able to breathe.
So help me. Breathe for me. Cry for me -- because we lost. First round, we're out. My last chance, and I blew it. I should be feeling awful, should be depressed right now; but, seriously? I can't bring myself up to that. In fact, I can hardly FEEL.
So if you care even the slightest bit...
...feel for me.
I am shivering so badly, in fact, that I am hardly able to breathe.
So help me. Breathe for me. Cry for me -- because we lost. First round, we're out. My last chance, and I blew it. I should be feeling awful, should be depressed right now; but, seriously? I can't bring myself up to that. In fact, I can hardly FEEL.
So if you care even the slightest bit...
...feel for me.
Change.
I feel kinda sad today. Not merely because, well, my parents have gone for Umrah and I'm gonna have to live with the awkwardness in my house for the next few weeks -- but because... well, i just realized how incredibly depressing time can be.
The clock ticks and ticks and ticks away... most of the people i know are bearing through it. Living with it. GROWING and CHANGING as it passes -- and me? I feel at a loss. A standstill. I feel so... so utterly stuck to the earth; almost as if a part of the world had swallowed me up to my knees, and I am literally glued to the ground.
I hate change. I hate moving. I hate everyone FOR changing and moving... for leaving me here to... I don't know... watch them move... watch them change.
While everyone else goes forward, here I am -- forevermore -- and I despise it.
I feel like crying; though I won't. I feel like screaming; though I can't.
No matter WHAT i do, the reality of Life is that continents shift. Air carries. Waves part. Wind blows. People... change.
Except me.
I can't change -- in fact, I don't even think I want to. If only, however, the world could/WOULD not change along with me.
Now that sounded selfish, I know. Very, very selfish.
For, I, being stuck as it is, am horrible enough to wish for others to share my fate.
Still moaning over my faults. Picking at the hate this world has to offer -- feeding it.
I had once thought I had changed. I was DIFFERENT, I thought to myself. The whole emotional thing was far behind me, I believed.
Yet, here I am.
Still moaning. Still whining. Still cynical. Still over-dramatizing. Still... unhappy.
...
...
...
...
I will never change.
The clock ticks and ticks and ticks away... most of the people i know are bearing through it. Living with it. GROWING and CHANGING as it passes -- and me? I feel at a loss. A standstill. I feel so... so utterly stuck to the earth; almost as if a part of the world had swallowed me up to my knees, and I am literally glued to the ground.
I hate change. I hate moving. I hate everyone FOR changing and moving... for leaving me here to... I don't know... watch them move... watch them change.
While everyone else goes forward, here I am -- forevermore -- and I despise it.
I feel like crying; though I won't. I feel like screaming; though I can't.
No matter WHAT i do, the reality of Life is that continents shift. Air carries. Waves part. Wind blows. People... change.
Except me.
I can't change -- in fact, I don't even think I want to. If only, however, the world could/WOULD not change along with me.
Now that sounded selfish, I know. Very, very selfish.
For, I, being stuck as it is, am horrible enough to wish for others to share my fate.
Still moaning over my faults. Picking at the hate this world has to offer -- feeding it.
I had once thought I had changed. I was DIFFERENT, I thought to myself. The whole emotional thing was far behind me, I believed.
Yet, here I am.
Still moaning. Still whining. Still cynical. Still over-dramatizing. Still... unhappy.
...
...
...
...
I will never change.
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