Indifferent

37 days til SPM! Most people are going on about how loudly they can hear their own hearts thumping against their chest. I'm still here, kicking my shoes up, watching as the time passes by.

Okay, okay. So I may be exaggerating a teeny-tiny little bit, but, seriously, I'm still only studying whenever the mood strikes me (which is, like, never??). Yeah. That bad.

Today was/IS the first day of school after the raya holidays. Fun, fun, fun. I was, of course, being my usual self and perhaps causing a fuss about how awful I did for BM. People mostly rolled their eyes and ignored me, of course, but I, nonetheless, managed to carry on doing so for the rest of the school day. No teachers taught -- or, if they did, I didn't listen. I can tell you for a fact, though, without even recieving my result slip, that I have all ready failed Add Math. Oh, yes. All my dad's hard work, vroom, down the God forsaken drain.

...Not that its his fault, of course.

In fact, if anything, I pity my father.

He worked so hard trying to teach me; but I, being the bad student/daughter that I was/is, had, of course, not put his hard work to practice. AT. ALL. Even the day before the big exam I was all joking around and acting stupid (which, by the way, doesn't require actual acting, to be frank). I'm still at that phase where I can't stop thinking about how I'm gonna celebrate after SPM, instead of thinking about the actual SPM itself.

Stupid, childish me.

I want to study, but I just can't. My dad has been constantly giving me all soets of motivational crap, and I've been carelessly not listening to it (though, I must say, I do a good job of giving him the impression that I was listening).

I feel bad.

No, wait. Scratch that.

I WANT to feel bad.

But I don't.

I feel nothing at all.